The D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Oh sure, I can give lots of lip service about important topics such as co-parenting, parallel-parenting, single-parenthood, parenthood....The truth is, I'm flying blind. I probably read the same blogs you read. I probably search the same key phrases you search. Like...

'How to tell your kids you're getting a divorce'
'How to raise happy kids after a divorce'
'How to survive a divorce'
'What kind of a family will I have after divorce?'
'How to brutally murder your lying, selfish ex-husband and get away with it'

.....etc. Obviously I jest about the brutal murder bit. Ha ha ha... A girl's bound to make some bad jokes under duress. You see for me, the truth is that Tammy Wynette's D-I-V-O-R-C-E is all a massive emotional tangle of pain, humour and grief. I suspect that to an emotionally stable person, who I recklessly assume is unburdened by jealousy, rage, infidelity, abuse and neglect, I probably seem a tad 'bonkers'. I accept this perception, and often times I embrace it.

Hell...Lord knows I'd be a fool to turn down an embrace at this juncture in my emotional career. I suppose that's a positive thing. There's no shortage of hugs in this house. A person needs to stay connected. My wiener dog gets probably more attention than she would sign up for, my kids definitely get more hugs than they'd expect in a day, and you'd be surprised at how rewarding it actually is to hug a turtle. (I love you Lulu!) The DHL Delivery guy was a bit off-put last Monday when he got his hug, (totally his own issue, not mine) and come to think of it, I don't think Jesus the butcher was that receptive to his either. Whatever. I'm not taking that on (throws head back and cackles wickedy at the phony manner in which she humorously regurgitated a famous and acceptable deflective phrase within the Church of Self Help).

I hug more than most, I guess. That's some of the fallout from my separation, it's a truth and I accept it. Among the many truths I accept, a big one is loneliness. I can list off all the things a person can do on their own, and the list is long. There are scads of activities that were specifically created for soloists, lots of them. Kayaking, for example. I live on the ocean, kayaks are for rent all over the place. Just try and fit 2 people in a kayak, ridiculous! Libraries, for another: How many librarians have you encountered that welcomed chit chat and socialization? I'll hazard a guess...none! The gym: Unless you have a trainer, this is definitely a solo activity. Which brings us to our next activity, Masturbation: It's right there in the title, this is a solo activity. Next up? Reading: Unless you're under 5, this is again a solo activity. Lastly? Coffee shops: Always a welcome retreat for the soloist who may or may not choose to multi-task with a secondary activity like reading to accompany  the first: 'drinking coffee'. I could go on and on, but why bother. We all know what to do when we're single, we're doing all the things that our miserable spouses prevented us from doing while we were un-single. Isn't life better now that we can do nothing whenever we want? The obvious answer is yes. And no. And then yes again, and later no, then a resounding 'yes!'  D-I-V-O-R-C-E is all very confusing, Tammy.

I'm a Mum. That's what I've always waited to become. I was born waiting to be Mum, and when my moment arrived, I embraced it, that's what I do, I'm a Mother. I don't have anything figured out, which surprised me some, I thought that would be included in this marriage package somehow, but surprisingly, it's not. I love my kids the best way that I know how. Some days their Daddy is involved, and some days he's not. I'll never shut that door without their permission. But their too little to know about stuff like that. All they know how to do is love, and laugh and hug and imagine and grow. I know that I will work double over time to be the best damn Mum I can be to my tots, and I will pray for nothing but the same from my ex-husband. But along the way, I expect I will be lonely for someone to taste my tomato sauce and see if it needs salt, someone to whom garbage isn't Kryptonite and will take it out, someone to 'Get it off! Get it off!' when I can't, someone to see what the hell that noise is at 4:37 am, someone who doesn't expect a reasonable answer to the question 'Why are you crying?', someone who will see that I'm cold and put a blanket on me, someone that will see that I'm sad and comfort me, someone who will see that I'm impossible but will keep trying, someone who will love me for me, and for no other reason. Surely after surviving the disaster that is divorce there is a pleasantry like...peace at the end of it all?

I'm sure D-I-V-O-R-C-E has mistakenly been underrated....

Who are you calling Gringa?

Taking the bus in Manzanillo is wonderfully easy.

It's like I'm living in a frat house....

Living with my now 3 year old, is just like living with a frat boy.
Normally that wouldn't be such a great thing, but I love it. Not that I love frat boys...that has never been true. 
There's just something so freakin' joyful about Jorge.
She laughs at everything, and makes jokes at the most inappropriate times. She never takes me seriously, has the memory span of a goldfish and refuses to wear anything but gonchies. She thinks showing you a chewed mouthful of food is hilarious. Thinks 'being lazy' is a perfectly good reason for not doing things, and only stares at you confusedly when you don't accept it as such. Drinks milk straight from the carton and draws all over her room mate's body in felt marker 'because it's funny'.

Then there's the physical evidence of her frat boy ways visible all over the house: Half full plastic cups littered everywhere. Under the couch, in the yard, the bed....the shower. DNA stains all over the furniture. Plastic Mardi Gras beads IN MY FREEZER. (?!) You can find party dresses and gonchies strewn throughout my house at any given time. Balloons in the turtle tank?

Jooooorge! Why are there balloons in the turtle tank?!


In the turtle tank?

Yes! In the turtle tank!

Balloons?

Yes Jorge, balloons. Why are there balloons in the turtle tank?


( shrugs shoulders, gives sheepish sideways grin ) Muuuuhhhh-Meeeeee, I loooooove you

I love you too Jorge. And all the nutty things you do. Please take the 'Kinder Surprise' alien out of the salt mill.
Love, Mum.

My Bilingual Babes, and their Bilingual Issues

I've never mentioned this, but I'm a native English speaker living full time in Mexico with my native Spanish speaking husband, and 2 bilingual daughters, 3 & 5. I speak almost exclusively in English with them (the occasional word here and there in Spanish) and my husband speaks probably about 60% English and 40% Spanish with them.

My kids go to a 'bilingual' school that teaches half their subjects in English (by non native English speakers) and the other half in Spanish (by native Spanish speakers). The issue I'm having is not so much within our home, as we seem to have finally struck a workable balance here, but rather in their school. Since my kids are truly bilingual, they have begun to dominate in contests and games in English, as well as their share in Spanish. It was agreed recently among the teachers and a couple of parents that when my kids win an event, that they will be praised or awarded, whichever is appropriate, but a tie will be declared between my child and the first place winner among their monolingual classmates. This practice irks me just enough to write about it.

Is it fair to my child to declare her a tie winner with a child who isn't scoring as well as she is? My eldest feels like she studies and practices and should be rewarded fairly for her efforts, and I'm inclined to agree. What about the message being sent to my kids? It's deflating to stand before your teachers a winner, only to receive a ' That's nice dear, we knew you were going to win.' and stand aside while your classmate is doted on for her accomplishment. It diminishes the achievements my kids, and other bilingual kids have reached. No?

*sigh* Am I being 'one of those parents'? Because I guess I just can't quite tell. I'm at a loss, and I don't necessarily like the way I am feeling about this situation, and need to resolve it. I don't expect that there are too many parents of bilingual kids reading this, but I need to sort this out. Advice?

Suegra generosa

So here's what happened: My mother in law offered the use of her credit card at Coppel, so we could get a camera...or whatever else it was that we wanted. She's the generous sort. Plus, we have a good credit history with her. We got our stove on her card too. Thanks Suegra!

New camera! And man, is it cute. It's a Fujifilm Z...something. It's good. And....( super awesome detail coming up ) the only model they had left was fuchsia. FUCHSIA! I'm understandably more excited about this than my husband, but...he'll manage. 

So, lots of nutty pics of the turds coming right up. A wise woman told me not too long ago, that your life needs to be documented. She's a smart girl.

i - Nothing

Of all the devices I don't have, ie: camera, blackberry, mp3 player, i-anything, which would you recommend I get first?

It's not that I NEED any of these items, I appear to be managing quite alright without them. However, it would definitely be nice to snap a photo or 2 of my rapidly growing children. Or make the occasional phone call OUTSIDE of my house or send a flipping text message once in a while. It's not like I'm considering a 40" flat screen for the john, or a slingbox so I can catch 'Jersey Shore' on the bus. I'm just talking about your basics here. By the way my students talk, I'm the only person in the free world without these devices. 

I have had digital cameras in the past, but I don't have much luck with them. My first one landed face down and was rendered unrepairable. Second one ( a hand me down from the early 90's) I traded for a ColecoVision or something, which I sold to buy a new camera from Wal Mart Mexico which came out of the box broken. Wal Mart Mexico refused to accept it as a return, citing their return policy as: 'We don't accept returns'. Harumph.

The cell phone that I have right now had 2 functions: Received calls and told the time. Now it does neither. Though, I bought it new more than 4 years ago for about $250 pesos, which is about 20 bucks CDN, so, I did have a good run with it.

The most technologically advanced device I have apart from my laptop ( hand me down without a working internal fan ) is my cordless phone. Seriously. I don't even have a microwave, or any sort of plug in and hook up to your TV game station like ATARI or whatever it is the kids are playing these days.

So, I ask you, constant reader, which if any of these new fangled devices would you suggest I consider? You know, in case I find a wallet full of pesos on the bus or something.

First Day at School

When our nanny was out with the chicken pox ( enter high pitched sing-song voices: 'Maricela tiene varicela!' )  we had to bring the girls with us to work. Helps that we work at the best school in Manzanillo. Anyway, first day in and Jorgie and Phoebe have lots of questions for one another, like this one....

What's your teacher's name Jorge?

Miss Funny!

No es cierto... 

Si! Es cierto! Her name is Miss. Funny!

Are you lying?

No! I'm not lying, her name is Miss. Funny.

( Long pause while Phoebe ponders the notion of having a teacher named Miss. Funny ) 

Is she funny?

It's as I mentioned before, tiny little bilingual people make wonderful mistakes. Jorgie's teacher may well be a funny lady, I don't know her very well, but that's not actually her name. She is Stefani. Or Fani, for short. But not to us, here in the Sandcastle, she is and will forever be, Miss. Funny.

Greatest. Name. Ever.