Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Shoe Camp

They're SO pretty! Shoe camp should be easier than this. I'm angry at my shoes. They're beautiful, but I'm mad at them. And they ARE beautiful, and they ARE a respected pair of high heeled shoes (Steve Madden made them) however, my feet hurt. 
We should probably back up a bit... I have steadily rejected high heels my entire prepubescent and adult life for lots of good reasons. And then I became a late 30s person and realized this is a skill, walking in heels, that I don't have in my portfolio. It's a thing I can't do. It's ridiculous.  Right? So, I'm learning how to walk in heels and this is how it's all going down...
Generous, beloved neighbour who often donates her kid's clothing to us, gave us some big shoes. BEAUTIFUL, big shoes! Steve Madden shoes! I'm gonna wear these bastards.
If I was writing this by myself, I would introduce beloved cousin Beth, but now, you've already met her because she's typing this for me while sit and drink vodka and water as I dictate this adventure.
Enter cousin Beth into this agreement. 
"We the aforementioned have promised, REALLY promised, each other that we will commit ourselves to the next 72 hours in these high heels excluding showers and sleep." (They're so pretty) So what does that mean? That means that like my job or my children or my husband or the intolerable heat, this is a thing that we have committed to. Oh we will walk in heels! Not because we want to, mind you, not because we think we should, but only because this is a skill that we think a person of our caliber should have in our arsenal.
B - Being taller definitely gives a different perspective on life. I opened my kitchen cupboards and realized that I could see everything that was in there. What a shocker! And reaching down to wash dishes? It seems so far away. Absolutely quizzical. But the pain issue, not really a factor. I think it's the ankle straps. We'll see how things are tomorrow.
A- The last time I stood up, I thought I might pee on my own feet, you know, like when you're stung by a jellyfish or 643 jellyfish right on the balls of your feet. So that's my progress. I'm not giving up. I love Steve Madden and his shoes and I will smile when I think about them. Not today, but maybe tomorrow. I live upstairs. TWO flights. Heels, people. Heels.
Live tall. Live tall, ladies. It's a skill we all need. Men just don't even know what they're missing out on.

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